Emotion for emotion?

A few nights ago I was woke with a burden so deep that worry took hold of my heart and I had to wrestle for hours to gain victory. My wrestle was intense and long. I met worry with prayer, meditated and memorized Scripture that seemed to hit empty and without impact. I have not had this kind of intensity of worry in a while. It seemed as if there would be no release.

After a couple of hours I cried out to the LORD, "why don't I feel your joy?" That is when the worry lifted and God would begin to teach me a new lesson. I wanted to "feel" joy, but he would teach me that my question was the wrong one. While I "felt" and was overwhelmed by the "feeling" of worry, it would not be a feeling that would defeat it. It would be a confident assurance that could only replace that worry. I would quote Scripture looking for it to ebb away one emotion in order to flow in another.

I would learn that night, through tears that God was not trying to replace my emotions, but to ask me, about that which I worried, "Will you leave me too?" John 6:66. Will I let this situation bringing instability in my emotions consume me with fear? Will I only trust a positive emotional experience to replace a negative in order to know God is working? These are the questions that came to mind. Do I need to "feel" joy? Was that not the deception? I thought I had to have a feeling to clear the emotional struggle of worry. I was using the Scripture not to instill confidence but to mitigate my negative emotions.

Finally it was not in replacing my worry with another emotion that I would sleep in peace. It was in experiencing His true joy. That, joy, not an emotion. The joy of the Lord is a confidence, and an assurance in hope that settles our minds, wills and emotions, A true belief that God has it.

I was able to take the situation I was consumed by and pray that God's will would be done. I laid those concerns, with thanksgiving, before him. And like Peter in John 6:68 state, "Lord, to whom would {I} go? You alone have the words to eternal life. 69 {I} have BELIEVED, and have come to KNOW, that you are the Holy ONE of God." Then I slept the next 4 hours like a baby, resting in peace. Not the feeling of peace, but the absolute assurance in The living God.