Like Father; Yet Not - Your Decisions are Yours.

One of the anecdotal pictures that went viral on Facebook that I love was the one that shows two men, one in a suit and the other looking disheveled, and we learn they are brothers. The statement above the picture of these two men states, "You're born looking like your parents. You die looking like your decisions." One man says, "My dad was an alcoholic, and I followed after him." The other man said, "My dad was an alcoholic, and I decided not to do what he did."

The Scripture disabuses the commonly held belief in generational curses and the justification they offer for people to continue in sin. The prophet Ezekiel speaks of dads and sons, making different choices concerning righteous and unrighteous living. In chapter 18, there is nothing in the passage that communicates a son/daughter is obligated to the sins or righteous living of their parents in general. It goes on to free the parent, or dad, in the text of taking responsibility for a son that goes astray, if dad left a righteous legacy. Neither the dad nor the son pays for the other's sin, and we should rejoice in the freedom God gives us through his prophet.

I discovered a beautiful difference between Abraham and Isaac, and the choices they made when they had to count on God to bring forth his promise, first given to the father and followed through Isaac, the son. In Genesis 12, God made a covenant with Abraham, "Leave your native country... and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation." In chapter 16, "Now Sarai, Abram's (Abraham) wife, had not been able to bear children for him." This was a significant concern for them, not because God did not have a plan, but because they had a way that seemed right to them (Proverbs 14:12), which was to help God keep his promise. I think we are all guilty of that. The choice would eventually be a horrible example, as the story is shared with future kids and read throughout history.

Sarah decided to offer her servant Hagar to her husband as a way of fulfilling God's commitment. And this was the beginning of the turmoil that damaged their family and placed an obstacle in the way of the future heir, not the one of the flesh, but the heir who was of the Spirit. Abraham trusted his wife's word over waiting and taking the situation to God. This was part of the legacy, forever printed about Abraham and the son of the Spirit, eventually born to Sarah, Genesis 21, would have this story in mind years later.

Dad obviously and regrettably leaned on his own understanding, and it cost him, his family, and future generations more than they wanted to pay.

A bible pragmatist may say, 'But it all worked out." The problem with that attitude is that thinking makes sin acceptable, because any means to God's end becomes sufficient, and that is antithetical to God's Word. That begins to dilute "The fear of the Lord" in us. Yet we don't stop to consider the unnecessary consequences that didn't have to happen.

Isaac, unlike his dad, figured this out. The promise of becoming a great nation was passed down to him. Abraham took it upon himself to find Isaac's wife. She would come to him through a servant of Abraham sent out, "To my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac," Genesis 24. After some time, Rebekah was shown to be barren, unable to bear a child. There is no way this would not be a familiar experience to Isaac. We can be sure he knew the story of his older brother, born to his mother's concubine, and of his birth, which eventually became the answer to God's promise.

When Rebekah left her land to become the wife of Isaac, the Scripture says, "The woman who had been Rebekah's childhood nurse went along with her." In other words, she had a servant she could have offered to her husband. This would have emulated her mother-in-law's actions. Isaac had before him the example of his father; people who believe in a generational curse would say he was obligated, by curse, to repeat.

Let me say, unless Rebekah had a different servant, the one who came with her was probably too old, but going there would be to digress from the point being made.

Would Isaac repeat the disaster of his dad, would he do worse, or choose righteously?

Not leaning on his own understanding, different from his dad's choice, Abraham: "Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children," 25:21.

The picture I opened this blog with would have Isaac in the suit, saying, "Because my dad leaned on his own understanding, bringing chaos to our family, I chose to trust God." There was no obligation for Isaac to do what his father did in the same circumstances.

We can learn from this and take to heart what Ezekiel communicates: none of us is imprisoned to the lifestyle of our parents. The opposite is also true: no child has to follow their parents' righteous choices, either. The latter can bring sadness to parents.

Many may ask what Proverbs 22:6 means when it says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it." If it means a righteous man will raise a righteous child, then it would contradict all that has been stated.

How would this passage be reconciled with Ezekiel and other passages that show righteous men, kings of Israel and Judah, having evil sons?

The Proverb is about nurturing a child's unique path and the strengths God has put in them, so they develop a morally strong and wise future. But remember, Proverbs are not iron-clad promises, but the best possibilities that the writer of this incredible book saw throughout life. If the proverb were a promise that all godly parents would have godly children, then Adam and Eve would have proved that it is not true.

The great news is that no child in this world is obligated to repeat the mistakes, sins, and choices of their parents, good or bad. Let's pray that more children will walk in the ways of their godly parents, and that those who see their parents' sin and choose differently will do so with grace. So while we are like our fathers, and the apple does not fall from the tree, sometimes the farmer propagates the apple from the tree to create a new kind.

You are a bearer of God's image, even if that comes with looking like the blood family you were born into. Your choices for good or for evil are precisely that, yours. Parents do set examples, but they are only that, an example. We get to choose to follow or detour. Neither you nor I can blame anyone else for who we have become.