Marriage, The Most Essential Relationship in God's Kingdom on Earth

One of the most emotionally trying types of counselling is working with a person struggling with their marriage. Most struggles arise when one or both partners in the relationship are exhibiting selfishness, which is the epitome of choosing not to do what Scripture demands: "deny yourself." In fact, that direction comes from the one who exemplifies the "husband" as the anti-type to the physical marriage, which is "the type" on earth that allows the world to see how Christ loves his Church, "the bride."

Marriage is one of the most complex relationships on earth. It is because in God's eyes, it is the only relationship we cannot get out of without, as Jesus says, "because of the hardness of your hearts." Our children grow up and move on. Our friendships ebb and flow, but a husband and a wife are forever, and we say, "for good or bad, for better or worse, to death do we part." Yet, what we mean is, "Until I am not happy." However, God does not offer that option, so we make it without His approval, and usually with a hardened heart, only to become even harder without repentance. Sadly, the church has thrown up its hands and accepted what God has not changed his mind about, rampant divorce, without any biblical warrant.

I am so sorry that for many wives whose dream weddings have become a nightmare of a marriage. Not because we are not loved, but we want to be loved differently. My heart breaks for husbands who get married, anticipating all the rolling in the sack their loins can manage. I am sorry to sound crude. Then, the beautiful woman in the white dress is tired, has a headache, and is not in the mood more often than you would have ever dreamed. For many, the anticipation of all the rainbows and butterflies becomes a fight for survival. In many cases, one or both quit., because they are selfish. The other is exhausted, and the Facebook pictures portray a desire and dream deferred, but far from a reality lived. Again, there is selfishness in that by one or both.

When my marriage faced some of these facts, here is what my Beloved husband, calling me his bride, drew us back to. We went back to the author of marriage, and we had to commit to doing His created relationship His way, and it turned everything around.

1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

It is one thing to pray for a good marriage.  It is another thing, equally important, how you handle marriage so that your prayers are not hindered.  Peter warns husbands to relate to their wives in such a way "so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (3:7).  How one treats a spouse has a lot to do with how God hears prayer.  We must pray to have good and godly marriages. This is essential to your prayer life.  Then we must act in line with those prayers for our marriage. We don't get to sit back and hope God does some magical work to cause things to change. We, working in obedience to His Word and in conjunction with the Spirit, are where the changes happen and prayers are answered.

This touches on a profound reality, which is developed more fully in Paul's letter to the Ephesians (5:21-33).  Marriage, for the Christian, is defined Christologically, that is, in terms of our relationship to the Lord Jesus.  The relationship of Christ to His church is pictured in the marriage analogy.  Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ.  Moreover, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  The upshot of this is that there is more to a marriage than the mere coming together of two people to love and cherish each other.  As necessary and wonderful as that is, the significance of marriage is much greater.  In God's miraculous calculus, two become one, and love is multiplied exponentially.  One way this is evident is in the ability of a husband and wife to pray together.  We need to stop "praying about our spouse" and "pray with our spouse."

Marriage is, therefore, yet another arena in which Christians must live out their vocation to serve Christ. The most important one, once entered.  Remember, there is no relationship in our lives where we live to ourselves.  Even a happy marriage is not only for the happiness of husbands, wives, and children; it is for God's glory as a light to the world.  Marriage is a relationship in which God is deeply involved. As a bible teacher once said, "Marriage is not for our happiness, but to make us a holy people." Happiness is a by-product of two holy, obedient people doing God's marriage relationship His way.

When Marlon and I began to practice that, we stepped out in faith, and the sea opened, and our marriage walked through hand in hand in the glorious plan and power of God.

We need to tell the Lord, "Father, I accept the challenge. Let my marriage bring the resemblance of Jesus in me. Here I am, use me."